How I would entertain if I were rich

I was thinking about this the other day. Why? Because I saw Maine lobsters at the fish shop and I know that almost all of the people I know here will never get to taste them and will always think they are like astice or scampi. I at that moment wanted so much to buy enough of them so everyone I know could taste it once. They were €62 per kilo. Each lobster was about 700 g. That would mean it would cost €43.40 per person for one menu item, or US $57.29. It didn’t fit the budget.

Once started, however, I daydreamed about all the other things one could do if one were rich. Caviar doesn’t make my list, because I am convinced the whole caviar thing was invented by poor Caspian Sea residents who managed to create cachet for something that is actually nasty tasting and stains your clothes. Great wine? Well, yes, of course, but then one lives in a country where great wine is readily available for a lot less than lobster. There is a dried bean in Italy that sells for about €16 per kilo, which is pretty rich for a bean, but not impossibly expensive.

In truth, with enough application and energy and imagination, the menu could be as fantastic and delicious as you can imagine without spending enormous numbers on the food. The old Italian rule about seasonality and freshness goes a long way toward that– although insisting on zucchini and eggplant and tomatoes all winter has bruised for me that once unassailable stance.

So what besides food would I do? I think music would be lovely.

I fancy a string trio set some distance away to allow for conversation but also to inspire breathless interludes when a phrase caught the imagination of each soul at table. That would go with cucina alta or haute cuisine. For country food north of Naples and including France, I would have an accordion, the little squeeze box kind, playing tunes from before 1930. For the south of Italy I choose a mandolin, a fiddle and the squeeze box. For Hungarian food I must have Gypsy fiddlers and the Hungarian musical instrument that looks like a topless piano played with giant Q Tips. It is called a cymbalon, but the one I saw was enormous, and much bigger than the one shown on that link. That link also says the music is generally sad, which wouldn’t do at all, but I recall the cymbalon music I heard as quite spritely. If you want to hear it, go to that link and click on “The Gale” by Susan Conger, which sounds more like Hungarian music than the other choices.

I think Greek also means mandolin? Could I get the Stones for a British meal?

It didn’t take me long to get from music to massage. While I am sure it has been done before, I bet it hasn’t been done thoroughly since Roman times in Italy. In Hawaii it was traditional long before poi meant hula skirts and waving hips. Why haven’t people like Richard Branson and Bill Gates thought of this? Do they not entertain? Have they not read about the mini massage parlors that offer shoulder, neck and foot massage with your clothes on? They both look like guys with a different enough take on life to go for this. If they take it up, will they invite me? Could someone please mention it to them?

I have decided it is all about delight. From now on I shall concentrate more on delighting my guests than on feeding them. They always get fed here, sometimes better and sometimes … well… not. If it is even one person sharing the simplest meal of good bread, sweet butter and smoked wild Alaskan salmon, I want to add something that doesn’t always come with the food.

When you go to a fancy restaurant you may often be greeted with “We are so happy to have you dine with us tonight.” I am going to make an effort to show my friends that I mean that, too.